I'm losing you, and I can feel it; in my bones spraining with pain, in my garbled words reminiscing past but mostly inside my heart where I had conjured countless imaginations, crafted a picture of 'our' future and now the picture is going far away, the dream is slipping from my reach. And I am frantically trying to grasp it, clutching nothing but darkness. There's nothing to hold onto, no sweet talks or indelible memories just ferocious and brutal accusations, and insensitive fights, and many more such rueful events, all more reasons to flee from this mess.
No abject promises, no contrite apologies, not even your unfailing kindness or innocuous sweetness can hold me back. I am determined to run, with all my might to fly away from this chaos.
I'd stagger, tremble, fall down but not stop. Each day I will put up an audacious struggle, battling your inevitable thoughts, you will be hard to resist, impossible to forget. And one of these days, the helplessness will gobble my puny efforts, when I would be haunted by your smile, whispers of past will bellow through my soul, and I will wander, madly searching for pieces which I gave, which I would need to regain in order to survive. With faint hopes, I'd look back, only to find out that you're long gone. The picture will be stark empty and it will hurt my ego bad, that you wouldn't even miss me at the time when I will be going through hell. I will be startled, becoming aware that my heart still had some spare left to be crushed and I'd experience the same pain I feel right now.
But before this wave of misery engulf me, I want to live my dream once. I want to hold you close, clutch your hand, embrace and kiss your smile just so you could know what you do to me. But I won't, I am oblivious but not foolish.
Confession would bring me closer to reality, which as always will ruin my life. My fantasies will efface, truth will shuck my dreams. Holding you in my arms, the realisation will hit me like a wallop that after all this time, you're still a stranger, that for so long I had been in love with an apparition sculpted inside my head. And it'll destroy me to know that it's impossible to lose you, because you were never even here, that since the begging I am the one who has been lost.
No abject promises, no contrite apologies, not even your unfailing kindness or innocuous sweetness can hold me back. I am determined to run, with all my might to fly away from this chaos.
I'd stagger, tremble, fall down but not stop. Each day I will put up an audacious struggle, battling your inevitable thoughts, you will be hard to resist, impossible to forget. And one of these days, the helplessness will gobble my puny efforts, when I would be haunted by your smile, whispers of past will bellow through my soul, and I will wander, madly searching for pieces which I gave, which I would need to regain in order to survive. With faint hopes, I'd look back, only to find out that you're long gone. The picture will be stark empty and it will hurt my ego bad, that you wouldn't even miss me at the time when I will be going through hell. I will be startled, becoming aware that my heart still had some spare left to be crushed and I'd experience the same pain I feel right now.
But before this wave of misery engulf me, I want to live my dream once. I want to hold you close, clutch your hand, embrace and kiss your smile just so you could know what you do to me. But I won't, I am oblivious but not foolish.
Confession would bring me closer to reality, which as always will ruin my life. My fantasies will efface, truth will shuck my dreams. Holding you in my arms, the realisation will hit me like a wallop that after all this time, you're still a stranger, that for so long I had been in love with an apparition sculpted inside my head. And it'll destroy me to know that it's impossible to lose you, because you were never even here, that since the begging I am the one who has been lost.
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